2012 - The Year of "Me"

So, a few days away from a new year. One more holiday to go. This has been a tough year, my husband passed away in March of 2011. I've gotten through the anniversary, our birthdays, our kids birthdays, fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Again, one more to go.

For some reason - this might be one of the toughest. The act of ushering a new year, making resolutions, watching the ball drop together - just the hope of a new year. Will our sons find happiness? Will we be able to go on vacation? Will we have marriages, babies, new friends? Those resolutions, "this is the year we stick to a budget!" or "we'll get healthier this year" or my personal favorite "let's make a resolution to have no resolutions!" All something so personal, so wonderful - just to have that one person to hope and dream with. Gone. For now.

This is a tough one. We didn't go out, we just sat - anticipating the countdown.That kiss at midnight.

2012 - will have to be the year of me. The year I work all of this out. You can't move forward if you're still holding on. I need to move. Get up, get out. Make myself available to others. I have to love myself before I can love anyone else. I don't love me right now. I will though.

I'm giving myself the rest of this week to feed the pain. Just numb myself. Just one more holiday. Then - no more wallowing. No more numbness - I'm choosing to move forward. Will I have setbacks? Of course. But - the motto I subscribe to is "Surrender is NOTan option."

Happy New Year - the year of "Me"